Dowry--- the issue keeps on coming in debates and discussions and we always find a lot many of us publically saying no to dowry. Yet I have found that equally good number of us are a little uncomfortable with the pledge. And I must confess I find it a little uncomfortable to take such a pledge. Frankly speaking if someone tells me that I should not give anything in marriage of my daughter, I’m afraid I might not agree. I can’t imagine marrying off my dear daughter and not giving her anything in marriage. She would be starting a new phase in her life and nothing should prevent me from giving her gifts as per my capability and affection for her. But if my would-be son-in-law has taken a public pledge not to accept anything in marriage then what do I do? I strongly feel we have to reconcile the two situations. One man’s gift could be other man’s dowry. We need to clearly differentiate between the two….. a ‘voluntary gift’ within one’s capabilities and a ‘compulsive dowry’ under pressure, either from the groom’s side or from own relatives.
Dahej I feel is a very pious word if taken in the right spirit. It is something given by a caring father to a daughter or by a loving brother to a sister on her marriage. However if any such exchange is under compulsion then it is not Dahej. Under pressure it is extortion and its perpetrators be tried and prosecuted accordingly.
Sometime back there was a heated debate on the subject in Sheel Bhai’s blog. I had posted a comment there. Since the readers in this group are different, I am posting extracts from those comments below:
“This menace of dowry has made many a lives miserable. To carry the debate further I am mentioning here what the law says on this issue:
THE DOWRY PROHIBITION ACT, 1961 defines Dowry as:
‘any property or valuable security given or agreed to be given either directly or indirectly-
(a) by one party to a marriage to the other party to the marriage; or
(b) by the parents of either party to a marriage or by any other person, to either party to the marriage or to any other person at or before or any time after the marriage.
The act makes an exception as below:
Nothing above shall apply to:
presents which are given at the time of a marriage to the bride or bridegroom (without any demand having been made in that behalf) and such presents are of a customary nature and the value thereof is not excessive having regard to the financial status of the person by whom, or on whose behalf, such presents are given.’
Thus it can be seen that the law also makes a distinction between the dowry under demand and the presents given to a beti by her father or to a bahen by her brother or other members of her family. The law does not prevent exchange of items as far as the same are of a customary nature and within the financial status of the person by whom presents are given.
Thus all gifts and presents given in marriage are not bad. And in view of the financial status, an item could be dowry in one case but a normal gift in another. We should not feel apologetic about the customary items received by a couple in marriage. But yes the line is very thin and we have to understand the spirit behind it.
I have highlighted this legal aspect here as I felt that without proper understanding of the legal aspect we would not be able to carry out the required reforms. How can you tell a father not to give anything to his daughter? But you can always motivate one not to give, or demand, anything which comes anywhere close to dowry ie which is under compulsion or beyond one’s capabilities or simply a shameful display of wealth without any sense. While I very strongly oppose giving anything in marriage on demand, or under compulsion and pressure, or beyond one’s financial capability or merely as a show-off, I whole heartedly support voluntary exchange of gifts in marriage, as it shows care and affection towards the bride, towards a bitiya, towards a sister. I gave her agift on her birthday, on her going to school, on her successful project in school… why shouldn’t I give one on her marriage?
Another reason why I have mentioned about this legal aspect is the need to educate and counter the forces which continue to support such evil for their own personal interests. And to justify their illegal demands in marriage they compare the same with justified gifts received by others in their marriage. They would oppose reformist attempts by any means. Many a times they would say something on your face but then comment differently behind your back.”
I had made this comment last year and I stand by it. I request you all to give it a thought and exchange your ideas on the subject so that we can help our youth take a well-considered stand on the issue which she/he feels by heart rather than committing herself/himself on sentiments and abstract ideas without any convictions and later find it difficult to support one’s own ideas.
Thanks.
http://www.facebook.com/groups/gurjarpratihars/permalink/199618846742564/
Dahej I feel is a very pious word if taken in the right spirit. It is something given by a caring father to a daughter or by a loving brother to a sister on her marriage. However if any such exchange is under compulsion then it is not Dahej. Under pressure it is extortion and its perpetrators be tried and prosecuted accordingly.
Sometime back there was a heated debate on the subject in Sheel Bhai’s blog. I had posted a comment there. Since the readers in this group are different, I am posting extracts from those comments below:
“This menace of dowry has made many a lives miserable. To carry the debate further I am mentioning here what the law says on this issue:
THE DOWRY PROHIBITION ACT, 1961 defines Dowry as:
‘any property or valuable security given or agreed to be given either directly or indirectly-
(a) by one party to a marriage to the other party to the marriage; or
(b) by the parents of either party to a marriage or by any other person, to either party to the marriage or to any other person at or before or any time after the marriage.
The act makes an exception as below:
Nothing above shall apply to:
presents which are given at the time of a marriage to the bride or bridegroom (without any demand having been made in that behalf) and such presents are of a customary nature and the value thereof is not excessive having regard to the financial status of the person by whom, or on whose behalf, such presents are given.’
Thus it can be seen that the law also makes a distinction between the dowry under demand and the presents given to a beti by her father or to a bahen by her brother or other members of her family. The law does not prevent exchange of items as far as the same are of a customary nature and within the financial status of the person by whom presents are given.
Thus all gifts and presents given in marriage are not bad. And in view of the financial status, an item could be dowry in one case but a normal gift in another. We should not feel apologetic about the customary items received by a couple in marriage. But yes the line is very thin and we have to understand the spirit behind it.
I have highlighted this legal aspect here as I felt that without proper understanding of the legal aspect we would not be able to carry out the required reforms. How can you tell a father not to give anything to his daughter? But you can always motivate one not to give, or demand, anything which comes anywhere close to dowry ie which is under compulsion or beyond one’s capabilities or simply a shameful display of wealth without any sense. While I very strongly oppose giving anything in marriage on demand, or under compulsion and pressure, or beyond one’s financial capability or merely as a show-off, I whole heartedly support voluntary exchange of gifts in marriage, as it shows care and affection towards the bride, towards a bitiya, towards a sister. I gave her agift on her birthday, on her going to school, on her successful project in school… why shouldn’t I give one on her marriage?
Another reason why I have mentioned about this legal aspect is the need to educate and counter the forces which continue to support such evil for their own personal interests. And to justify their illegal demands in marriage they compare the same with justified gifts received by others in their marriage. They would oppose reformist attempts by any means. Many a times they would say something on your face but then comment differently behind your back.”
I had made this comment last year and I stand by it. I request you all to give it a thought and exchange your ideas on the subject so that we can help our youth take a well-considered stand on the issue which she/he feels by heart rather than committing herself/himself on sentiments and abstract ideas without any convictions and later find it difficult to support one’s own ideas.
Thanks.
http://www.facebook.com/groups/gurjarpratihars/permalink/199618846742564/
Lets put it in a different way. If one has a son and a daughter. The son will inherit all his property. Does his daughter has a right to his property? If no.. then why not? And if yes.. then when and how to give her that fair share of the property? Before marriage through division of assets? During marriage by means of gifts and presents? Or after marriage through division of assets? Or not at all at any stage?
In such case (where dahej is demanded) it should be treated like extortion and its perpetrators be punished for same.
